Author Michael

Counseling Well

Michael Leave a comment

 

 

 

biblical counseling.png

I love getting counsel and trying to understand how to live life better. I’ve had the opportunity to be counseled from different students fulfilling their clinical practice requirement at the university they attend. I’ve received good counsel and bad counsel from people I consider Godly; probably better men than me. In the future, I want to make sure I can counsel well and help others counsel well. Below are a few observations of how we should counsel well that I’ve learned throughout the years-

1) Focus on what they are doing right

Our brothers and sisters should be doing something right. I mean, if they are true Christians, they will be producing fruit of some kind. We can encourage them in how they are loving others well, serving in the church, etc. Counseling can seem like such a formal process sometimes. What a blessing it would be to do it with someone you consider a dear friend.

2) Don’t make assumptions

It’s easy to make assumptions about other people. Sometimes, we tend to make the biggest assumptions about people we barely even know; people we have almost never talked to. We draw conclusions about others based on rumors and inaccurate information. It happens all the time. I’d encourage everyone and myself to be careful with our words and draw on the facts that you know for sure. And if the facts lead you to believe something sinful about that person, we can encourage that person with the Word of God. Even through the trials of life, we need to have an attitude of encouragement. We are all sinners and we need each other. Be that person to encourage others.

3) Empathy and Selfishness

When someone expresses a desire of theirs, we can automatically say that they are selfish, sinful, and prideful. While this may be true, I think there is a time and place for that. People need empathy and want to feel like someone understands where they are coming from. Below are some characteristics of empathy that I feel are important really not just for counseling but for relationships in general:

Characteristics of Empathy

1.  validate

People need their feelings validated. They need to hear that they aren’t alone and that you can see where they are coming from.

Example: If someone tells you that they are sad because of situation x, it’s important to show them you care and see where they are coming from. Saying something like I’ve been in situation x and have never been sad because of situation x is focusing on yourself. We have to remember that just because we experienced a certain situation and felt a certain way doesn’t mean that it can affect another person a different way. You can validate how someone feels even if you don’t necessarily feel the same way in that particular situation.

2. Attitude

Although it seems simple, I know that godly people can get frustrated with other peoples sin. Our attitude needs to convey that of someone that wants to talk to that person, is there for them, and genuinely wants the best for them. In the best counseling situations I’ve experienced, I leave feeling like the person cares, has empathy, and has directed me toward the Word of God to see my sin. That is quite a skill and is hard to implement! Sometimes its easy to think that counseling is about fixing the other person with God’s Word. But it’s not. It’s about loving the other person with the Word of God and realizing that there really isn’t anything we can do to fix that person. We can influence their heart but ultimately, only God can fix that person and that person’s heart.

4) Getting Counsel

I highly encourage people seeking counsel to focus on getting counsel from older leaders in the church and not their peers; even if they are on staff. I do believe that young people can have great things to say and can have lots of wisdom. However, I also know that young people haven’t experienced a lot of things in life that older people have. Sometimes, older leaders in the church have been through more counseling situations and will have a better perspective on the topic.

5) Make definitive plans and follow up

Sometimes the person getting counseled needs a date to follow up on. We need to see how they are doing and get a better picture of the situation later on. Make the sacrifice and spend a little bit of time with this person and be a blessing.

Conclusion

I’m just making observations. I believe that if people I consider very godly can make some of these mistakes, I’m prone to make these mistakes too and I probably have. I hope  that in the future I can help counsel well in all contexts whether that be with friends, in the church, or with my wife if God provides one. All for the glory of God and His name.

 

 

Inclusion and Unity

Michael Leave a comment

Image result for the unity of the church"

Years ago I remember wanting to get into a Bible study desperately. I needed God’s Word. I wanted to know God’s revealed Will. I was in my 20’s and trying to pursue the Lord and what he wanted for my life. When I texted one of the people leading the Bible study, they said it was “exclusive.” He was young. I think this person had good intentions. I think he started a Bible study and just wanted to keep the group small. So why am I writing about this today?

Some groups of young people I’ve witnessed throughout the years keep to themselves and divorce themselves from other generations and people who are different in the church. They want homogenous groups of people that are like them in looks, personality, and maturity levels.

I’m guilty of this. You are probably guilty of this. We need to get back to loving other people well for the sake of the Gospel and the truth that we proclaim to follow. What do true disciples do?

  • True disciples love others, even their enemies.
  •  True disciples strive to obey the principles of the Bible and produce fruit

The Reality of Sin in the Church

Sin. It’s in the church. And it always will be. According to one statistic, around 60% of men in the church look at porn. That’s just one statistic. Believers in the church desperately need God’s Word and relationships with others who are striving for the same thing. We are all at different stages of maturity. We need each other. We need models of God’s love.

Who needs God’s Word?

Everyone. Believers. Unbelievers. Sinners. Unbelievers need the only message that can save. Believers need to be edified by the truths of the Gospel. Young people need older generations to speak truth into their lives. We all need the humility to be corrected toward following the principles and truths of the Word.

Is there a such thing as an Exclusive Bible Study?

Sure. I can see members of the same sex going through a study on purity and excluding other members. That’s totally appropriate. Generally, I’d say no. At the heart of Bible Study is studying the truths and principles proclaimed in the Bible and loving others well. Again, a young adult Bible study needs older leaders to speak truth into their lives; seasoned adults who know God’s Word and how to apply it to their life. They need models, sound teaching, correction, and discipleship.

What is the impact of exclusion?

Excluding people is a direct contrast to the love believers are called to. It’s a poor representation of the Gospel and doesn’t emulate the unity of the universal church.

A call to loving well

Loving well is thinking the best about a person. A lot of sin starts in the mind. Loving well is genuinely interacting with people because you want to talk to them; not because you have to. Loving well is inviting someone to take a seat next to you. Loving well is being open to talking to different kinds of people. Loving well helps people feel encouraged in their faith when they enter and leave the conversation. Loving well invites people to Bible Study because you care about them, the truth, and their salvation. Loving well speaks well of others. When people see love, they should see a love that no one else can provide except for God. It’s a love that’s different and transformative. A love that you can’t get by yourself. Only God can provide it.

Conclusion

People need the truth. People need relationships. People need models of the Gospel. We are sinners and can’t do this by ourselves. Love others well In thought and conduct because that’s who you are. Because its your identity. Because there’s a lot at stake. Christianity isn’t an exclusive religion. It’s inclusive and demonstrates love to everyone only by the power of the Holy Spirt. Represent the Gospel through inclusion and unity. Let your love demonstrate your testimony and changed heart for God and for people. There is no alternative.

(Below are six reasons for Gospel-centered unity pulled form the below website)

https://ftc.co/resource-library/blog-entries/6-marks-of-gospel-centered-unity

Gospel-centered unity showcases Christ.

Gospel-centered unity elevates the cross. 

Gospel-centered unity conveys humbleness. 

Gospel-centered unity demonstrates spiritual maturity

Gospel-centered unity reflects submission to God

Gospel-centered unity comes from treasuring God’s promises. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What it means to be man

Michael Leave a comment

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (1 Cor. 13:11).

Emotional health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated. It is impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. – Peter Scazzero

becoming a man

Abandoning Childish Ways

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, we are called toward abandoning our childish ways. We move on the spectrum of love from an immature love toward a mature love that emulates Christ. Our love is tested most when we go through trials. When we don’t get when we want. When someone offends us. It is in these circumstances that we navigate conflict resolution and have the opportunity to exemplify the agape, sacrificial love we are called to live out. And that’s wisdom. Wisdom is skillfully living out the principles of the Bible in daily living. We are not perfect, and we never will be. But we can move right on the spectrum of mature love and influence others as we emulate the principles we have learned.

english long bowman

Proverb 127:4 Like Arrows

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children[a] of one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate

How does this passage relate to 1 Corinthians:11? We have partly been shaped by our parents. They are the archers and we are the arrows. However, even if they aim right at the target, they have to have a good arrow for the target to be hit. One writer described the parts of the arrow like this:

Shaft- Identity

Feathers/fletching- Character

Nook- Relationships

Point-Mission

It is only through God’s grace that we can achieve the instrumental parts of the arrow to hit the target. The arrow needs to be released at some point with full force so that it can reach it’s full potential. It is when the arrow (maybe around age 18) that we move from dependence on parents to independence and more dependence on God. It is the start of adulthood physically but the real test of manhood and womanhood has just begun. True men and women have embraced the love their parents have taught them and live it out. They have gone from an immature love to a mature love that is sacrificial and thinks of others first. As the arrow swiftly flies through air, the goal becomes closer and closer. The shaft, fletching, nook, and point will determine where the arrow will land.

When does a boy become a man?

Interesting question. A person can be a man physically but spiritually and emotionally be a boy. Albert M. Gives a good description of when a boy becomes a man in these areas. The link is below.

http://equip.sbts.edu/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/boy-to-man.pdf

 

 

 

Faith, love, and the task set before us

Michael Leave a comment

Sources: Ligonier.org, https://www.focusonthefamily.com, Macarthur Hebrews Commentary

Run For Your Life

Hebrews 12:1-2 wrong

1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Lay Aside every weight

4 Laps. 1 Race. 1 chance to go to the CIF southern section. I vividly remember that day. A few years of intense training. The race was the 1600m district Final. The best 7 runners in 5 high schools for the mile race; slightly less than a mile which is 1607m. The gun went off. Top 3 runners make it. Lap after lap went by fast. Last 100m- I can see the finish line. It looks like I’m going to make it. 50m- I get passed but am still making it in 3rd place. At the line- confusion. The race was so close I had to lean my chest forward to increase my chances of placing; that’s how they measure it; by the chest. Miraculously, I was passed at the line and lost by one tenth of a second. 4th place. So close, but no cigar.

I write this not because I want to tell you about my race but because I think it’s a good way of thinking how we should run the race of faith. MacArthur points out that there are those who haven’t entered; unbelievers that need to get into the race. What a blessing it can be to evangelize and take people with us on this race of faith! It takes love. It takes care. Ultimately, it takes God to give them grace through faith to believe. We can love others by encouraging people to race the race with us. Sometimes that requires running at their pace so they can catch up. But it’s worth it because true love understands and slows down so others can get to where you are. I’m not saying pursue Christ less, but I am saying doing the basics with someone can be a blessing to someone who doesn’t know much at all.

Christians are running the race, but at different paces. There is a wide spectrum of Christians who compete with intensity and those who are merely jogging. So it goes with running cross country and track. The guys that didn’t care were on the team but didn’t really seem to care about doing well; they ended up kind of coasting through the year with no progress. And then there were those on the team who I looked up to. The runners who would run even on the weekends because they wanted to do well. Running is agonizing. Interestingly, the Greek word is the passage for race is agon from which we get agony. The race set before us is going to be tough. It’ll require discipline, perseverance, tenacity, and commitment. But ultimately, to run well, you need love. The love that is mentioned as the first of the fruits in Galatians:5. The love that is greater than faith and hope in 1 Corinthians 13:13. “13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” It’s the love quoted from Deuteronomy:6 in the shema that contains the Greatest commandments: Love your God and Love your neighbor. Are we running the race with an intensity that puts aside every weight (sin) and loves others that emulates the love of Christ who died for us? He died for sinners. People who had no hope, and no faith. In the same way, we can die to ourself and exhibit the agape sacrificial love that puts our desires last and other people’s needs first. It’s a love that can only come from God. God is love. The true test of a Christian is one who loves others.

Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. (1 John 2:4-6)

Race well. Strive well. Bring others with you. Run to win the Prize. Running well requires love. A sacrificial love that only God can implant in your heart. The gun has fired. We are rounding the corner and the finish line is in sight. Finish well by loving well in light of the hope set before us. See you at the finish line.

Loving Well II

Michael Leave a comment

Sources: Ligonier.org

truth-in-love

Love and Evil

It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6).

Rejoicing at wrongdoing

Rejoicing of other people’s sins

Nowadays we can be quick to point out other peoples faults and fail to look at the log in our own eye. We love to use our tongues as a fire for gossip that perpetuates the sins of others that assumes the motivations and hearts of others without clear evidence. The tongue is powerful. It has started wars and caused great strife. It also builds brothers and sisters up in Christ. It’s a double edged sword.

True love

True love thinks the best of others. Without clear evidence, only God know the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Note: This is different from seeing clear indications of sin.)

Accountability

What is accountability? Accountability helps those around us walk in a manner worthy of our calling. Ultimately, it’s walking in a manner worthy that loves God and loves other people. Usually, it’s our close friends that can help us keep us accountable along with the leadership and elders of the church. Accountability provides protection and requires humility to accept.

Loving through accountability

Sometimes people think accountability is unloving. That people should be able to go their own way and do whatever they want. Confronting sin is important and should be done in specific circumstances. Ideally, guys should holding guys accountable and girls holding girls accountable. Through accountability, we effectively love God more because we are taking off the weights of sin and putting on righteousness. We are living out our calling by mutual discipleship. Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens the face his neighbor,”

I hope that through an understanding of what God’s word calls us to do, I can rejoice with the truth, believe the best about people when there aren’t any clear indications of sin, and have an accountability to live out the calling. True joy comes from delighting in God and living out the will He has for us on our lives.